Alternate API Evangelist

While immersed in a world of tech, reading and writing about real-world issues, I needed an outlet, somewhere I could publish my fictional thoughts and stories. I find it easier to get back to the every day grind of tech blogging, if I have a place to produce fictional work. So I created an alternate reality where I can blog about the weird stuff I think about each day.

In a fake news world it was difficult for me to continue writing on my alternate blogs, but I am beginning to find my way forward, and crave the release that fictional writing brings. I find design fiction endlessly valuable for when it comes to understanding APIs, AI, ML, and the other digital worlds that are emerging.

Nothing you read at alternate.apievangelist.com or my other site alternate.kinlane.com is real, if you are looking for my real world API work visit Kin Lane or API Evangelist, or API.Report to get a dose of reality.


Seven Years Of Dispatches From Front Lines Of The API Description Wars

APIs are how cyber warfare is waged. APIs are how business, government, institutions, and individuals are being targeted, infiltrated, and indoctrinated as part of the millions of cyber war skirmishes occurring around the globe in 2017. These are some of my stories from the last seven years on the front lines of this war, documenting how these cyber militias are planning, mapping out, communicating, and executing their attacks in this new form of warfare.

I was sent to the front line of the API description wars in July 2010. Battles were heating up and there was a need for someone to be covering the front lines, documenting how this new type of warfare was being waged. Much like computer origins in World War II, where encryption and compute capacity were central to planning, communicating, executing attacks, APIs are how the submarines of the Internet age that are attacking shipping convoys, and how the looting of gold, art, and other riches are being dispatched–a distributed Enigma for a new type of warfare that was born out of the technology of the last world war, but retooled for a new century of warfare.

In the early days, API attacks were carried out using WSDL, an XML format for describing each networked attacks as a set of targeting endpoints that receive messages which contained attack orders that are either document-oriented or procedure-oriented information, executed from high up the common and control chain, by IT leadership. This new type of war was orchestrated by a small group of greybeards, who dwelled in the basements of large institutions.

Around the turn of the century, a new breed of milia units began borrowing from these existing top-down approaches to digital warfare but began leveraging cheaper Internet and web infrastructure to document, share, and distribute their unique brand of attacks on the global supply chains of not just the enemy, but anyone that got in their way–a new, ruthless way of waging a digital economic war. It would be several more years before this type of warfare would take root and begin evolving, but the seeds for disruption had been planted, giving birth to something that would soon be affecting every other aspect of business, government, institutions, and even in our personal worlds.

Early cyber invasions seemed almost fun and entering, but looking back the attack on the social fabric of our lives, it was anything but amusing. Who ever imagined that warfare could be conducted via social media memes, photos, videos, and the games we play each day. APIs were being used to define and map out more than just the social fabric of our personal and professional lives, they were being used to psychologically profile us, and ultimately plan out how we could be conscripted in this new type of cyber warfare.

By this point, one of the leading militias called Amaze who had been pushing this new type of warfare had heavily invested the digital factories and warehouses where they manufactured the essential components needed to wage this new type of warfare at scale–things like compute, storage, and DNS. Then in 2006, they opened up these new cyber war manufacturing center to be used be used by the public–now any militia could grow their operations, deploying what seemed like unlimited capacity when it came to planning, communicating, and executing attacks on any business, institutional, government, or civilian target.

This became a perfect storm for how we plan, communicate and execute an invasion or disruption, but to achieve their objectives the militias still needed people to swell their human ranks. In a distributed war you need humans to execute your ideological warfare, or simply to defend existing companies and institutions against the attack of others. At this point, a computer device manufacturing company called “Pear” came along from the consumer sector and released the perfect device for indoctrinating, and conscripting the average civilian in this new type of warfare. Then, rather than shipping individuals off to the front lines, militia units who were flush with their new found resources would bring the frontline to them, lighting up millions of new frontlines within businesses, government agencies, communities, and homes around the globe–a new kind of front line that never stayed in a single place, and would follow us wherever we went in our physical world(s).

Within each front line battle, armies had been creating their own way of defining, describing, and modeling their activity as each assault unfolded, learning from each wave and developing their own form of scaling things as they needed. Early supply chain attacks had their own way. The imaging and video fronts used their own protocols, and messaging formats to describe, share, and then execute attacks. Some providers were successful simply because of a number of resources they had invested in their regional militias, making success more about who your investors were, over any of the technical details of how you waged cyber warfare.

As this was going on, a single milia unit (Strutter) in a small linguistics company created a new way for describing the way attacks had been occurring–they has used in their own attack on language and how we communicate. When planning for a social attack a common approach had emerged–you used images, video, wall posts, a share, or a tweet. The description had been well defined on the social front–hammered out in the early intense years of warfare. However, we now needed a way to describe and define the frontline across ALL social, messaging, and other invasions. Imaging, video, mapping, messaging, profiling–we needed a way to document how the attacks were being carried out, and the finer details the attack request and response infrastructure in play, otherwise cyber warfare would not scale and expand as desired by those who were waging it.

As the Strutter unit was formalizing their approach to mapping out and sharing a cyber invasion using API technology, another group, the Masherine division took notice and released their own solution modeled after Strutter’s work. The Masherine division possessed considerably more resources than the smaller Strutter unit and would be able to get the attention of other militias much faster than Strutter ever could–a solution they called Masherine Up / Down, or the Masherine U/D Protocol. Both Strutter and Masherine U/D Protocol would emerge as the leading approaches to documenting an attack after they had happened, allowing for better planning, communication, and execution of future attacks, and training of militia members.

As this was all happening, another unit emerged to further shift how we conduct cyber warfare, allowing us to not just document how an attack or series of attack occurred and just understanding the frontline after it had created and shifted. This new unit, dubbed the Killer Bee (kBee) Unit, release their approach to not just mapping API attacks after they happened, but allowing us to also to plan attacks, and even model and mock attacks and shifting front lines before they ever actually occurred. The kBee Unit added their Hive API Blueprint to the mix of a growing number of approaches to quantifying how cyber warfare is waged at a global scale.

As front lines in supply, healthcare, training, transportation, and social front lines adopted one of the leading formats: Strutter, U/D Protocol, or now Hive API Blueprint, other significant shift in the landscape was occurring. Cyber warfare was shifting to be more about business, the acquisition of militias to grow your army, as well as about politics and ideology of how propaganda is being spread, as well how we quantify, communicate, and discuss cyber attacks–the API description wars, a war behind the cyber war(s) was now in full bloom.

In the early days of the war, there was one place you went to find a listing of frontline attacks and any details about how the fighting was occurring. It was a scrappy wartime news outfit run by a handful of patriots, called ProgrammedWeb. I worked for ProgrammedWeb in the early days, when I was first trying to make a name for myself, but after the news agency was sold, and then resold again to the emerging Hard Mule Division, I became pretty focused on crafting, publishing, and syndicating my stories, and evolving my own independent view of how cyber warfare was actually be conducted on the front lines.

Even after stopping my dispatches t ProgrammedWeb, I still worked on strategy for the Hard Mule Division, and one of my immediate tasks involved bringing together all of the existing API description providers to discuss the unification of all the approaches, which actually resulted in a fourth format called BatteringRAML. Now there were four groups battling it out for dominance when it came to describing, defining, and mapping out the cyber warfare front lines. Somewhere along the way, I was to blame, for helping bring everyone together, allowing them to have their best practices and goodwill extracted and applied to BatteringRAML, something that resulted in me losing access to the kBee Unit and Strutter camps for a while.

Shortly after the Hard Mule Division purchased ProgrammedWeb, and convened their interoperability gathering amongst API description providers, they asked me what it would take to ensure that all my stories, communications, and frontline research flowed exclusively through their “channels”. I had no interest in this happening, but I tossed out a low six figure number, to which they simply laughed. We never spoke again after this, but it did show me the true colors of the Hard Mule Unit, as well as some of the other emerging militias, units, and divisions who have begun to take a lead in the global cyber warfare landscape. This emboldened me. I was determined to stay independent in my reporting, even if it meant I was in a more precarious financial situation–something that resulted in heavy drinking during these times on the front line.

During this same period I was contacted by the Electronic Frontline Foundation (EFF), one of the leading organizations fighting for frontline transparency. It was about another significant shift in the cyber landscape brought on by a leading military industrial complex vendor Prognosticator, who was suing another rising division called Oggle over stealing their approach to naming and ordering of the industrial manufacturing process of cyber warfare equipment. It wasn’t the same as quantifying, communicating, and executing cyber warfare itself, but it was a disturbing legal shift in how cyber war equipment can be manufactured, something that I knew would eventually spread to the front line, shifting how battles can scale and syndicate.

While all of this was going on, Strutter’s Linguistics unit had run out of resources. While their approach to defining, planning, and communicating API invasions had become the favorite approach of frontline militias, it hadn’t been a money making venture, and they had focused on the details of how you define an invasion, and maybe not so much the execute of their own sustainability. Strutter was on the chopping block, and the Thinking Bear Division swooped to save them, acquiring the unit, as well as any intellectual property it possessed. I was asked to cover the acquisition, crafting a dispatch as this leading API description provider shifted hands. The Thinking Bear Division required that my dispatch be approved, and sent it back with changes, then again with more changes–eventually, I said I couldn’t help them get their message out to the thousands of militias on the frontline who read my stories.

Strutter was now in use across thousands of frontline battles, a change in ownership might upset the balance of power amongst the four leading API description providers, but more importantly, the units who were doing the fighting. Further destabilizing things, instead of continuing the interoperability, scalability, and growth the front lines have enjoyed over the last couple of years. While Strutter is just a privatized mercenary units now, we were able to get the Strutter specification itself into an independent military governing body called the Operative API Initiative, or OAI.

Over the last year, every major unit or division has joined the OAI to participate in the discussion around how cyber warfare is defined and waged. Groups like MacroHard, International Bullshit Machine (IBM), Oggle, and kBee Unit have all joined the initiative. Hell, I’ve even joined the initiative just so I have access to the “behind the scene conversations”. Last month the giant military contractor Prognosticator acquired the kBee Unit, buying a seat at the OAI table. In 2017, a significant number of leading militias, units, and divisions have joined the OAI, setting the stage for how the future of how cyber warfare will be waged.

Newspaper headlines around the globe have declared recently that the API description wars are over. Pointing out that ALL the major API description providers are now part of the same military governing council. Take my word for it, the wars aren’t over. They’ve just moved behind slightly closed doors, being shaped by those who have the resources to participate. They have moved from the front lines of the cyber war, and into the courtroom, again only available to those who have the resources to litigate and defend their approach to waging cyber war, and simply defending their approach to defending themselves from cyber attack–it sucks to be sued for copyright infringement for the way you defended your company from a cyber invasion, maybe even from the company who is suing you. In the future, it will be much rarer for small militias to be able to make a difference. In the new landscape, you will have to part of a larger division to get anything done at scale.

While the API description War landscape has shifted, the trillions of cyber skirmishes being waged around the globe are only picking up momentum, individually and collectively. The attacks on democracy, via social front lines, and supply chains at the retail and wholesale levels are under threat, as well as the financing networks from banking, to markets, and venture capital is increasingly being targeted. Education, healthcare, transportation, and every other vital aspect of our communities are also under attack from each wave of militias being deployed. While many of these militias genuinely believe they are fighting for good, the damage they are doing to every layer of our society and democracy will be irreversible.

In 2017, we are seeing the front lines of the cyber war expand. It wasn’t enough that every citizen has been indoctrinated via the mobile device in our pocket, being sucked into larger battles being waged on the social, mapping, messaging, and other fronts. We are being told to install physical security cameras, speakers, microphones and other devices in our homes, automobiles, and workplace, stoking our physical as well as cyber insecurities. Once installed, these devices get converted into front lines in attacks on free speech, financial markets, elections, and much more, after they are hacked and p0wn3d. The average citizen is completely unaware of the battlefront their lives have become in the last couple years, something I’m not sure many of them will ever fully wake up to.

One of the contributing factors that is sustaining cyber warfare, and making APIs and their descriptions so valuable, is their ability to generate revenue from the bits of data exchanged along every front-line skirmishes. These digital bits generated from each attack are sold behind the scenes. Divisions, units, militias, and their investors are lining up to purchase these digital bits from each other, fueling the growth and intensity of cyber invasions–making cyber warfare a very profitable thing in 2017.

With all this investment, entirely new fronts have been able to emerge. The blockchain front is expanding beyond just attacks on the financial system, and have started to spread to insurance, healthcare, education, and other sectors the creative militias feel deserve targeting. The artificial intelligence (AI) and machine learning (ML) fronts have expanded at breakneck speeds, resulting in a form of cyber warfare very few will ever see coming. Even many of the AI and ML practitioners and providers don’t understand what they are wielding. Many individuals, business, institutions, and government agencies will show up in the morning to find their homes, businesses and organizations gutted, bombed out, and looted after allowing AI and ML into their lives.

I have spent seven years working to quantify the thousands, then millions of micro invasions occurring on a daily basis across this new way of waging cyber warfare. APIs are central to every major and minor invasion in the last 17 years, and API descriptions aren’t just how you plan, communicate, and execute these invasions, they are how you document and understand what has happened, and the atrocities that have occurred–which is one reason why API descriptions have become so valuable. Sure, you want to own how you plan, communicate, execute, and ultimately scale each invasion in a cyber war, but if you control the way we talk about these incursions, quantify and prevent them–you win. It’s a beautiful business model.

After seven years on the front line, I am confident that I will spend my rest of my life here. We have opened Pandora’s Box. There is no putting this beast back in its cage. It is all out there. All we can do is work to quantify, understand, and defend ourselves, working to make sure the machine is more transparent and observable, and telling stories about what is real and what is not in this new world of perpetual cyber warfare.


We Offer A Redundant Proxy For The Facebook Live API #DesignFiction

Use our API proxy for your mobile video applications instead of directly connecting to Facebook Live API. The proxy ensures your video is uploaded to Facebook Live, as well as up to 10 other locations, depending on how important syndication is to you. With the numerous claims against Facebook regarding censorship of videos we know we can't trust them, but with the network effect present we also can't ignore the benefits the platform offers for spreading the message.

We offer ten alternate locations for your video to be uploaded to in real-time, including Youtube, Vimeo, as well as more storage-oriented locations like Amazon S3 and Dropbox, allowing access beyond just video and social locations. We recommend hitting all the top video sharing platforms, as well as 3-5 standard storage locations, which will then allow for further syndication using Content Delivery Networks (CDN). 

Depending on the sensitive nature of the content, and the political influence that target(s) possess, we recommend syndicating as many possible locations as you can afford. If you are restricted to just using the Facebook application to make this happen, we recommend using our local area network proxy, which can act as a proxy for your entire network, and route a copy of all videos to the locations you need.

Do not rely on Facebook as the only source for storage and distribution. You need the network effect Facebook offers, but they cannot be trusted to be the sole gatekeepers of the video that is defining our times--they have made this clear.


Waze For Drones #DesignFiction

We are the Waze for drones. Instead of routing cars and trucks we provide routing options for the commercial drone industry. Drone routing adds another critical dimension to the process--elevation. What fixed objects are in the way, like buildings, bridges, and trees. What temporary objects are in the way like cranes, cables, and other drone traffic. There are an increasingly amount of objects in the way of the fast moving drone sector.

Real-time, near real-time, and historical drone routing data has proven to be a 10 trillion dollar industry. With over 30 billion commercial drones in operation, the need for routing solutions has reached critical levels. Real-time tracking systems have been in place for commercial drone operators for over three years now, adding to the amount of data we process, and share each day. Thanks to the use of drone technology new construction is mapped each day--adding to the fixed layer of our maps in real time. 

What you are looking for is our historical data solutions, which includes the rating for each zone on the map. Historical mode for the API is not meant to be used by drones during flights but is designed for use in a system to system integrations, primarily used by the insurance industry. The historical data includes all drone accidents back to 2018, which should provide what you are looking. Let us know if your current access levels to the historical drone data give you everything you need--if not we can bump you up a level or two.


We Specialize In Faux Internet of Things Hack Stories #DesignFiction

Our speciality is in crafting creative Internet of Things hack stories. Do you want your competitor to think their products are insecure? Do you want the free publicity that can come with a security breach? We are the creative team you are looking for. We have the experience to help you craft and execute exactly the perfect scenario and help you achieve your goals.

In today's online volatile cyber security landscape the stage is set, all you have to do is seize the moment. Our most popular package is the perceived external threat solution, where we take one of your products, stage a security incident and leak it to the online folks. There is no better way to light the fire under your team's ass then to make them think there is a security hole in the solutions they are developing.

The second most popular package is the competitor misinformation play. We will target one of your competitor's products, and plan just the right security incident for the situation. All we do is leak the information, and the current journalism and blogger landscape takes care of the rest. Cybersecurity fears even trump those of the environment and terrorism, making it the best way to get publicity for your company. Remember any news coverage is good news coverage, it just depends on how you roll with it.

Once we receive your down payment, one of our creative directors will reach out to you with a full list of packages, as well as non-disclosure information. The turnaround for a project is usually about 2-4 weeks, but we do have packages that will take longer. We look forward to being your IoT cyber security creative partner, and look forward to a long and healthy relationship.


If You Want Gov Ally On Self-Driving Car We Need You To Weaken Your Messaging App Google #DesignFiction

Yes, we are fully aware your desires to move forward with your self-driving car initiative, and if you want the US government as an ally in these efforts, we will need something from you in return. You know that messaging app you have been talking about releasing? The one that promised end-to-end encryption? Well, we are going to need you to back off that just a bit if you want our full support of the self-driving car.

As you have probably heard we are not that big of fans of end to end encryption when it comes to messaging applications, and to avoid any further messes in the public sphere, or in the court of law, we recommend you not move any further in this direction. We are happy to support your efforts when it comes to being the leader in the self-driving automobile space, but we are only willing to do this if we aren't battling you on the messaging front as well.

If you would like to go further with your new messaging applications, and maybe even give us a backdoor, or allow us to directly access messages via an API, I'm sure there are other deals in the pipeline we could also expedite. We appreciate you working with us on this, and I'm sure the future of the self-driving cars will be bright, with federal regulation being as minimal as possible.


Algorithmic Local Area Transporter Moving Obstacles Out Of Your Way #DesignFiction

Our mobile phones have taken common everyday transporter technology and put it in service of the public out on the street where it matters. Everyone is aware of the clueless mobile device user out on the street, stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, blocking the restaurant door, and standing in the street while staring at their phone. 

Nothing is more frustrating than encounters with these clueless people, while you are just trying to get through your day. Now for a low monthly subscription, you can have these people transported out of your way in real time. Transporter phones have 90% market penetration, and by default users have opted in for suggestive transport--which we'll use to move them just four or five feet in either direction, making sure they aren't in your way.

Of course, this is only done when a user is completely focused on their mobile device, and not engaged with other people, or the real world. Users will be moved safely, and our research shows that 80% of them never even notice they have been moved, as they so tuned into their device. This type of algorithmic, local area transport has had the same effect on people as we've seen with vehicle traffic--keeping both the sidewalks and the road ways clear of the most dangerously clueless users.

The entry level subscription is only $200 / month, and you get 150 active transports during each 30 day period. We keep track of all transports that occurred and provide you with a dashboard so you can see the obstacles we've cleared for you on any given day. If you sign up now, we'll sign you up for a free 30 days of Workplace Transport (TM), helping people avoid obstacles at work--help you achieve a frictionless work experience everyday.


I Am Afraid You Failed Multiple Software Runtime Patent Infringement Checks #DesignFiction

I am sorry, but your codebase has been disabled, due to failing multiple software patents checks--we cannot allow your software to continue operating in any environment. Apparently, sometime during your development, QA, and bringing live to a production environment, someone on your team did not run the required regulatory checks. We are sorry this has affected over 3M of your customer systems, but the responsibility was yours to ensure your product was compliant before updating on so many systems.

It is no secret that in 2026, that the USPTO has required ALL software developers to install a runtime patent checks in all web, mobile, and device based software systems.It doesn't matter if your software solution is "open source", or you perceive that your software is unique and original. Some say that the additional overhead introduced into the software development lifecycle, as well as the additional checks needed in real time at runtime has ruined the Internet as we knew it, but all intellectual property must be defended for markets to work properly.

To begin unlocking your software you will have to have your lawyer prepare the proper paperwork, and mail it to the USPTO office for review. Once we review, a court date will be set where you can challenge the companies whose intellectual property you are being accused of infringing upon. If your company survives this process, maybe it will be a little more diligent about ensuring it is following the rules when developing any software in the future.


Time To Live (TTL) Validators Are Now Commonplace In All Digital Devices #DesignFiction

After 10 years of heavy enforcement, we now consider Time to Live (TTL) validators as the default across ALL devices connected to the Internet. We acknowledge that there are the 5% of system violators, as well as the unknown violations, but we are now confident that all data, content, and other media's TTL will be respected across all compliant consumer, business, and government systems.

The first thing a TTL compliant systems does when receiving a request or sending a response is to check for the encrypted TLS identifier. If the encrypted TLS, or eTLS as it is call is not present, unreadable, or out of date, the event is logged and all associated data, content, or media is immediately destroyed. 

For a five year period we would keep a copy of associated request and response bodies to make sure validation was 100% accurate, but for the last three years, all information in violation has immediately been destroyed. Through TLS enforcement, and augmenting all of the algorithms that govern our lives with TLS, we have been able to achieve an online experience that better reflects our physical world. 


We Saved Everything Knowing That Some Day You Would Need It #DesignFiction

We fully understand that many people hold a belief that what happens online should be ephemeral, and go away after time passes. However, it is our belief that this is a very misguided view of our digital world, and ignores what is most important for you, your friends, family, as well as the collective history of humanity. 

In 2042 we all see history very differently than we did in the early days of the Internet. Thanks to systems that were put in place by the National Security Agency back in 2008, we now have every citizen's online, and in some cases offline activity going back to 2010.

These systems were classified for the last 30 years, but with recent shifts in public policy are now accessible to everyone via an easy to use API. All you have to do is sign up for an account, and you will automatically be given access to your profile. If you are seeking access to other individuals, business, institution or government agencies profile you can apply for access using our online form.

With the abolishment of a citizen's right to data privacy and ownership in 2038, it is now up to your state, and the jurisdiction your employer is incorporated in when it comes to determining who has access to your data. It is likely that your social welfare (housing, food, healthcare, and education) is being subsidized by access to your information, both current and historical, and you most likely are not entitled to any rights around your data.

It is fortunate that the NSA had this vision of the future back at the beginning of the century. We saved everything knowing that some day you would be needing it. Without it, it is likely that the social welfare framework you enjoy today would not be in place to take care of you.


All Claims About Your Technology Need To Be Entered Into The FTC Blockchain #DesignFiction

The final date has passed, and the federal law went into effect requiring all companies selling technological solutions, to register their claims with the Federal Technology Claims Directory (FTCD), which now operates 100% on the blockchain.

Gone are the days where you can make a wild claim as a startup or tech blogger. It is ironic that the one piece of technology which seemed to have some of the wildest claims being made regarding its transformative powers would be used to regulate claims made about the potential of technology.

In 2023, if you make a claim about your companies technology, on the company blog, you have to register the claim with FTCD. If you make the claim, and the agencies spider finds it, you will be automatically fined $25.00 USD for non-compliance.

The law also extends to what historically has been some of the worst offenders--tech bloggers. Even if you are just regurgitating what was said in the press release, you need register the claim with FTCD as well--or risk receiving the same fine for non-compliance.

Each tech company and tech industry blogger are also required by law now to include the blockchain claims report on their company profile page, and journalists credentials page. There are additional fees involved if you are actively operating as tech company or blogger, without the required FTCD profile page disclosures.

It would have made much more sense for this to not reach the level of federal government regulation, but with the wild claims being made by technologists, their blind belief in their own moose diarrhea, and their unwillingness to accept the consequences of their ridiculous promises--there was no other way.


All TRT API Providers Are Directed To Now Focus 100% Of Their Sales Efforts On The Enterprise #APIDesignFiction

Historically we have encouraged you to manage a very diverse, and carefully prescribed sales strategy, but this is a group wide shift in how will be selling ALL Time Release Technology (TRT) APIs. This is an end-times mandate, which means we are operating on a 10 year timeframe, scheduled for a 100% release across ALL implementations.

Our mission has historically been about injecting, and installing TRT APIs into targeted small businesses, enterprise organizations, educational institutions, and government agencies, being very strategic in our targeting of key players within specific industries. All releases have been done over time, releasing on an agreed upon date, making it look like a security breach, hardware or network failure. Now it is different, as we all learned in our training, a 100% release across all implementations means we are now in the last mile of our mission.

10 years from today, all APIs that have been installed, will release their embedded bot payload, delivering a kill blow for the local area network it operates on. Our data shows, that we have reached peak integrations as of today, and any further startup, small business, education, and government implementations installations will be useless. You are now ordered to focus 100% of your sales efforts on the enterprise -- all who refuse, will be defunded.

In April 2026, all installed APIs will be activated, and released. We are in the home stretch, and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel for all of our hard work. Every other aspect of our society has been sufficiently weakened, and the last center of power now lies within the enterprise. The hook has been set, and the enterprise are actively seeking API contracts--all obstacles should be removed.

It is all hands on deck. 100% of your time should be spent selling to the enterprise, increasing the number of integrations that you are responsible for. Remember, the more installations you achieve, the greater chances the entire system will be brought down. Our time is now.


Our Network Devices Are Competitor Aware and Can Deploy Over 500 Bot Types Offensively #APIDesignFiction

When our devices are installed to any network, they immediately get to work understanding the environment they are operating in. One important aspect of this is identifying all other networked devices, and identify all competitors. All of our devices are deployed with full competitor aware status, equipped to remotely assess the best strategy to achieve maximum efficiency within often very hostile environments. 

Not all device responses are immediate, as they could spend weeks understanding network activity, developing an awareness of the surface area for each competitor device present. Each device is designed to leverage local compute, storage, and bandwidth resources, to deploy up to 680 separate bot responses (only limited in scale by local resources available). Depending on the device configuration, and licensing tier, bot responses are usually 40% defensive, and 60% offensive in our experience.

In addition to standard offensive, and defensive bot strategies, each device is also equipped with a low level EMP solution, which can strategically, or completely knock out any other device on the network for up to 60 seconds, during which all of our patent protected devices can operate freely, with all obstacles out of the way. EMPs are designed to resemble common network, and device problems, leaving no log file residue of the events -- something each device will assess fully.

When devices become available for cloud updates, either real-time, or manually by walking or driving a vehicle by, each device will receive the latest bot updates, as well as report back any strategy, and network intelligence gathered. In aggregate, we possess over 1.8 million assessments from almost 200 separate business sectors, providing a shared intelligence for any device that you deploy. 

Get started today with our competitor aware, and bot equipped network devices, to help you get the advantage you are looking for, in any environment.


The World First Internet Connected, Remote Triggered, Farting Device

The Internet has just reached new heights with the release of the worlds first Internet connected, remote farting device. The new Swift, Silent, and Deadly (SSD) platform provides you with one (or many) remote devices, WIFI communication, cloud platform connectivity, and mobile applications for IoS, Android, and Windows smart phones. 

SSD devices look like your common, retail scented plugin device, so will often go overlooked in your normal household or workplace. They plug in to any electrical outlet, and have the ability to connect to the local wifi. Next year, we will be releasing a 4G wireless version that can be place anywhere, but for now you will need a wifi connection for all your devices.

The SSD manager application then installs on your IPhone, allowing you to register your SSD device (up to 10 per application), and manage its activity. Each SSD comes equipped with an audio library of up to 65 laboratory engineer fart sounds, and up to 150 individual "scent blasts (tm)". Currently we only offer a single scent, but our team is working to develop a wide variety of smells, that match each of our 65 audio representations.

Our basic SSD devices only have audio, and smell, where our premium edition has a WIFI enabled camera, which captures all activity, allowing you to precisely time your farts to match when a certain person walks by, is in the room, or possibly a pet is nearby. This also allows you to make the experience much more social, by publishing and sharing your SSD experiences with family and friends.

Following in the footsteps of timeless laughter tooling like the whoopee cushion, the Swift, Silent, and Deadly (SSD) device and mobile platform is sure to bring hours of fun to the home, your workplace, or even public spaces. 


Libraries Are Now The Strongest Player In The Open Data Game #APIDesignFiction

True open data advocates all know that you can't trust the "open" data sources from city, county, state, and federal government anymore. For a period of about 10 years, these sources of open data were valuable, growing, and provided fuel for a new way for society to function. However in 2031, everyone knows that these sources of data are just useless trash piles of bad data, obsolete file and data formats, and just a toxic byproduct of a broken government.

While this evolution in open data is unfortunate, one positive side effect is that it has spawned a more valuable, passionate community of librarians, and data activists centered around making change using open data. By default, almost every library across the United States, and in most western countries, possesses a robust open data catalog, and library patron driven open data community. 

It seems that open data and transparency was never really in the DNA of the enterprise, government, and even startups, but is something that was well suited for mixing with the existing DNA of the library community. Librarians have always been curators, and protectors of the worlds knowledge in the physical world, and is something that seems to be occurring in this new digital world we have engineered for ourselves.


A Company Employee Directory And Hiring API In Response To White House Pay Disclosure Mandate #APIDesignFiction

We are not awaiting for the latest equal pay act mandate out of the Obama White House to be enforced. We have long shared details on our employees, including what they are paid publicly via our corporate employee directory API. Our corporate directory API feeds the our web and mobile website with relevant public details about employees, but if you request API access, and are approved, you will now also get access to pay details for all of our employees. 

If you work for city, county, state, or federal government, as well as a verifiable news outlet, non-profit organization, or institution, you can request access to this data. Really, we are open to anyone accessing, as long as we can verify who you are, your intentions around your research, and that you will respect the privacy and security of our employees. We strongly feel that this information should be public knowledge, yet we have to ensure the personal safety and privacy of our staff, something we know you will understand, and respect. 

We feel a corporate employee directory API should be default for ALL companies--it just makes sense. Our directory API provides details on each employee, their role, and their position within our company. You can also retrieve historical data for each employee and role, seeing what positions our employees have worked in before, as well as who has filled specific roles, even if they have since left the company. This information has proven extremely valuable in understanding our own operations, as well as feeding independent studies, all the way to Department of Labor research and reports.

It was easy for us to turn on this pay data, because our company is API first. We do not have to wait for the government regulation to kick in. Also beginning in Q2, you will be able to also access all new job postings via our corporate API, pulling any openings we currently have, something that allows us to easily syndicate across thousands of job sites. Taking the Obama equal pay act even further, we will be sharing all applicant details for new positions that we are hiring for, being more transparent around how we hire at our company.

As with our employee directory, we respect the privacy of our applicants, and restrict access to personally identifiable information, but share relevant details regarding their resume, work history, race, gender, and other important details. We feel this type of transparency will go a long way to help research groups, institutions, and government agencies better understand our hiring decisions, as well as help us understand our own bias, from an external perspective.

If you'd like more information on our employee directory, pay, and hiring APIs, you can visit our developer area, where you will find more information, resources, and of course where you can register for an API key. You will immediately gain access to publicly available data, and once we've verify who you are, and what your intentions are, then we can open up your access to more information that will support your work. 

We are hoping our model for employee transparency raises the bar when it comes to fair pay, diversity, and other issues we face in todays business climate, sheeding a light on diversity, and equal pay issues across all industries.


Report On The Latest Upgrade To TKS-BMA-1.2 #APIDesignFiction

The latest upgrade to TKS-BMA, which was for the 1.2 release, was a complete success. There were two parts to the version release, but the primary objective was all about political party affiliation amplification and prioritization, with the secondary being focused upon Facebook and Twitter sentiment analysis--we need to make sure they were republican, democrat, independent, or libertarian.

You see, navigating the health insurance landscape is difficult enough, but when you introduce complications along the way, it becomes exponentially more difficult. The TkS-BMA-1.2 is all about maximizing in this realm of opportunity, to achieve the long term outcome we are seeking.

For the most recent upgrade, here is where we are focusing:

  1. Call System Extension - The call system is already expansive, complex, and a symphony of problem--how do we expand on this, and maximize the opportunities when we have a caller on the line?
  2. Payment Disruption - Are we maximizing the opportunities of lost, missed, and disrupted payments? When it comes to payments, there are unlimited possibilities for failed, lost, and misguided payments at the micro, monthly, and random levels.
  3. General Errors - Mobile and web-based errors are not a problem, they are an opportunity. There is no limit to the number of, and the barrage of errors that users experience--make the most of this.
  4. Info / Alert Overload - The number of emails, SMS, and social notifications we receive on a daily basis is already exploited by default. Like errors, this is an opportunity, not a problem, and should be exploited at every turn.
  5. Microservice Exploitation - As the platform evolves and expands its own base, there lies an opportunity for efficiency, as well as disruption. There is a movement going on to decouple infrastructure, and while this is a window for better delivery of services, it is also a window of opportunity to better impact the overall quality of service for specific individuals.

If you are receving this message, you've been briefed. This is not your usual system upgrade, yet the upgrade to ensure the system you expect for our targeted customer base. This is not about the deliver of our services as promised, but to deliver the quality of service expected in the shadow of the Affordable Care Act (ACA), aka ObamaCare.

The objective of this release is about the long term, establishment of our company within the industry, and disrupting Obamacare. it is about instilling the hatred of the mandate imposed upon the American people. It is about changing the belief that universal healthcare will save us, and return us back to the formal glory of the US healthcare system, guded by the caring hand of the insurance industry.

This update is not about disrupting the system, it is about exposing the flaws of government regulation, and the lack of belief in the markets to take care of the people. This is the about striking the algorithmic blaance necessary to bring harmony to our healthcare system in the United States, and beyond.


The Internet of Things Device Auto Registration Network #APIDesignFiction

We are a network of Internet of Things (IoT) device registration platforms. We all operate for different purposes. Some of us are looking to be drone or surveillance camera registries, while others are looking to provide access to weather, agricultural, or other environmental devices. The one common thread that binds us, we are all providing much needed registries for the growing number of devices that are being connected to the internet.

Depending on the industry we operate in, device registration is mandatory, or optional. While we do have manual registration solutions, which run as ready to single page applications as a service (SPAaaS), over 75% of registrations come in through auto-registration when devices are setup and activated. The popularity of auto-registration of devices in heavily regulated industries, and spawned a wave of auto-registration also being used in non-regulated industries.

Manufacturers have seen the value of IoT registries, and seen the benefit auto-registration plays when it comes establishing a much more engage device operator or consumer, but also that other 3rd opportunities available through our network of platforms. Resulting in a number of reasons why IoT device auto registration networks are working.

Discovery
As soon as a device is plugged in, it registers itself with the network of choice, seeded by the manufacturer, but ultimately the choice of the device operator. This means the device is discoverable as part of the device operators network, and the larger regulated or unregulated industry it exists within. If a device operator chooses, the device can also be discoverable by a wider ecosystem of 3rd party providers who operate via the network of directories. 

Security
With all devices accounted for, the chances of devices operating with out of date software, vulnerabilities, and rogue devices from illegal manufacturers has been reduced to less than 10% of available Internet enabled devices. A registered device, has changed the IoT security discussion, and while challengers of this approach says it violates privacy, we feel it reduces the chance of exploitation, back doors, and unsecured devices operating on the open Internet. 

Regulation
Auto registration has allowed government regulators to get a handle on the fastest growing spaces like drones and surveillance cameras, enabling law enforcement to levy increasingly heavier fines for unregistered devices. In 2020, devices do not come to live, and connect to the Internet without having proof of registration--giving local, state, and federal government an unprecedented window into consumer, commercial, and industrial level device usage across many industries.

Accountability
Consumer, corporate, institutional, and government device operators are held accountable as part of modern IoT device registration operations. If your drone is involved in the damage of property, or violation of privacy, you are held accountable. Device manufacturers who do not institute auto registration upon activation, have sanctions applied, not allowing them to see certain funding opportunities, or operate within specific jurisdictions.

The presence of the IoT device registration network has made the general public feel much better about the growth in popularity of Internet connected devices. It has also increased the overhead for manufacturers, and made privacy advocates more concerned about who watches the watchers, but the good brought by the network has outweighed the bad so far.

In 2021 and 2022, we are moving beyond justifying the need for IoT device registration, and addressing concerns for auto registration, and moving to more of a focus on transparency and privacy across all networks, and device operation. With all of the data we have on what IoT devices are in operation around the globe, and even in space, there is an unprecedented opportunity to help stabilize this fast growing layer of the Internet that is impacting our personal and professional lives.

If you are a device manufacturer and would like more information on registration for your device let us know. If you would like to see a registration network exist for an existing device category, please let us know--make sure you look through the forum first, and ensure work is not already in progress on such an effort.


You Have Had Three Security Strikes, Hand Over Your Data Storage Operations For 12 Months Plus Probation #APIDesignFiction

Your company has had its third strike. Your first security breach was in January of 2018, with the second only six months later in June, and the last came in February of 2019. Your company has shown that it just doesn't have what it takes to secure your users data, and there we are going to need you to have over the keys for your data storage, for a 12 month period. 

During this time, you will access your company data via APIs, that are monitored via a professional data management organization, as well as state and federal auditors to make sure all required security and privacy procedures are followed. All server, database, and storage operating procedures will be documented, and shared with your organization when the 12 month period is complete.

We have assessed that 60% of your infrastructure uses APIs, so the switch-over to the new infrastructure will not be that difficult. Your company will have 45 days to accomplish the other 40% of refactoring all your software to use APIs. Part of your illness within your organization was that this 40% of your operations was technical debt that your organization refused to bring up to speed--resulting in several large breaches. 

When we hand your data storage infrastructure back to you, we will audit for another 18 month period to ensure you are practicing a 100% API strategy, as well as end-to-end encryption, making sure it is applied for all servers, storage, and in transit using SSL. During this 18 month period our auditors will assess whether you have the resources to bring your operations up to an acceptable level. If you do not meet requirements, the period can be extended, or your infrastructure can be ordered back into a forced-management situation again.

If you have any questions, please contact your case manager, and your IT operations manager will be in touch shortly with more details on the coming transition period.


API Evangelist Was Acquired By Lucifer Enterprises Incorporated For $1M+Soul #APIDesignFiction

Los Angeles, CA: One of the leading API focused analyst and blogging networks, API Evangelist was acquired by the #1 enterprise software development company today for a total of $1M cash, and a 2.5 lease on soul of the founder Kin Lane (@kinlane). Unfortunately, as the founder Kin Lane was leaving the enterprise in 2010, he made a deal with Lucifer Enterprises Inc. that he could make a difference in the world—only partially delivering on this promise, an acquisition was inevitable.

From the outside perspective, and untrained eye, nothing will change on API Evangelist. However in reality, nothing that is said, will be as it seems. Up will be down, left will be right, REST will be SOAP, and XML will be JSON. Honestly, you should never have believed what you have read anywhere not he Internet, but you can be guaranteed it will all be complete bullshit from here on out, on API Evangelist.

The acquisition of API Evangelist is a reminder that everything is for sale. Nothing is sacred, and the only constant is that things will change. A five year run, is much longer than could have been be expected, and we should be thankful for any little bit of value we got out of API Evangelist. It was just a matter of time before the enterprise space set its sights on API Evangelist, let alone the founder would sell out so high up the food chain—straight to the devil himself.


An Always Shifting Business Focus When You Are Part Of Real-Time Regulation Brigade #APIDesignFiction

Application Programming Interfaces, or APIs, have always been a staple in the regulatory toolbox, but I am really impressed with API regulation in the last 18 months, spearheaded by the real-time regulation brigade (RRB). The RRB is an inter-agency group, that doesn't just establish how the government puts APIs to work in regulating all industries, but rather than operating in years, or quarters, it produces real-time, ongoing information on how industries and companies are working (or not).

I'm in charge of business pattern identification and replication, which means I identify the bar for what a common business looks like, when it comes to API consumption. You see, companies learned early on in the API regulatory years, who the regulators were, and who weren't, allowing them to tweak the algorthms to give different results depending on who is consuming via the APIs.

Our group's mission is to help our regulators act just as any regular customer would, consumign data, content, and other resources via banking, stock, and insurance APIs, allowing regulators to hide among the thousands of other regular customers. In 2026, we have be able to operate like we are a real business, with a real website, physical address, to be able to pass the inspection of the average regulated company. Otherwise our footprint looks like any other bot, or regulator, allowing companies to serve us tailored response, and sidestep our regulatory power.

15% of all companies who operate in any regulated industry are actually a business that is tailored, and operated as part of RRB operations. We regularly shutdown, and sell our companies to each other, making it look like they are real, even when they go away. We are always finding new, leading edge business footprints, requiring us to start approximately 300 new business in any given week, across a couple hundred industries. 

While APIs radically changed how we regulate in 2018, in the last five years, regulation has become more of a cat and mouse game of API driven patterns. We can tell when a company identifies one of our shell companies, and begins changing their tune--the signals change. I see all of this as a game, where the RRB has to stay in tune with the latest patterns, and construct companies that put out just the right signals, in just the right way, so that regulated companies think we are their friend, ally, and potentially even a partner when we can.

The always shifting landscape of regulation in the modern age is what keeps my team engaged. Other groups enjoy the stability that regulation brings to industry, but our group thrives on the volatility and constant change introduced by having to stay three steps of ahead of the most savviest platforms in the new global API economy.